Short jokes
Two pencils walking down the street.
Which one hasn’t got AIDS?
The one with the rubber on.
Balalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!
What's 12 inches long and begins with a p?
A shit.
Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?
Because he was too stuffed.
What is God's favorite planet?
Saturn because it has a ring around it.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
What is the difference between a human being in the car?
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.
The toilet having an argument with the toilet paper, the owner of the house had diarrhea, who's day was more shittier!?
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
I smell ice a mile. Titanic, I want to iceberg.
All these females swear they loyal... but you can’t put loyalty on a hoe.
We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.
What do a blackjack dealer and my uncle have in common?
They both hit me face down on the table.
I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."
What does your mum have in common with your dad?
They are both men.