Short jokes
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
What is a definition of tight?
A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
Why did the bird lay an egg on Stephen Hawkings?
Because he is Stephen HAWKings.
Gun + Backpack = Fun!
Why couldn't the button get off the couch?
Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.
Why do mountains contain things? Because their moun-tains.
My life...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Your forehead is so big you can jump without getting hurt.
"Cancer isn't real. It's probably special effects."
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick. Too bad for her, because I give good sex.
Why is the homeless homeless?
Because it's homeless.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.