I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
Short Jokes
I like pepper.
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
A person with a wheelchair makes a joke. No one laughs.
Inner thought: "Wheely Manerva, wheely."
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
No, "quarter quarter."
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite snake?
Microchips.
The QUEEN took a shit at the poker table. It was a ROYAL FLUSH.
Stephen's not dead; his WiFi is slow.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Fix the door, it's broken!
What makes a software developer feel rich?
Their cache.
What is the best type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
Rice Middle School
I named my refrigerator Oicurmt, because every time I look in, I say, "O I C, U R MT."
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Stephen Hawking, more like ice cream!
Ahhhhhhhhhh, ma bored.
