Short jokes
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
Why are Nepalese bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their king!
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
Wanna come hang out with me?
Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?
Cause it was plain.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.
Hahaha :)
Why is the queen in chess the most powerful piece? Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
Why did the question come to life? Answer: The adding, subtracting, times, dividing by, and equals signs came to life and squished pages.
I wrote a joke on MH370... but I don’t know where it went.
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
Blue sky at night, day.
Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.