Short jokes

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?

McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.

why don't emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.

What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?

I can Nazi!

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."

Baby: "Lmao, same"

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"

Orphan: -no response-

People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

Hey guys, I’m back, just wondering if anyone is still on this that wants me to make more.

Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?

Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.

Glory 🕳 equals 👨 👨 👨 👨 👨 bonding.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?

Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.

I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.

What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.