Short jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bikini.
Bikini who?
Oh, that was just a bikini.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?
A Butt-asaurus.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
Interviewer: Hey JFK, what’s your favorite song by Jessie J?
JFK: I er ah Bang Bang.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.
You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
"Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?
Is HE goated with the sauce?"
Rangers are a joke.