Short jokes
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What color flowers do mama cats like to get?
Purrrrrrrple flowers.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."
What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
Your smile is so nice that the moon shines off them.