Short jokes

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

The happier they get, the less they see.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?

One comes out of the chamber.

Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...

I like my people how I like my tea...

In a bag under water.

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.