Short jokes

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

Like it if you judge people's hairlines.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

Why are feminists jealous of men?

Because men don't have to stand up to piss.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

The happier they get, the less they see.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...

I like my people how I like my tea...

In a bag under water.

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."

You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.