Short jokes

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

Why are feminists jealous of men?

Because men don't have to stand up to piss.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

The happier they get, the less they see.

What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?

Fitting in.

Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

I like my people how I like my tea...

In a bag under water.

I'm doing a charity bungee jump for the local disabled.

It's called "spastics on elastics."