Short jokes
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
You really put the R in special.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What does a hooker and butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
I almost got caught trying to steal a board game yesterday.
It was a Risk I was willing to take.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.
Yo mama so fat, she costs 15 elixir, and 3 inferno towers can't kill her!
What happened after George Floyd went to the drugstore to buy zicam extreme congestion relief? George Floyd was able to breathe again
George Floyd was in a TV show fresh Prince with no air