Short jokes
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
Gnome.
I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.
I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.
When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.
When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?
On Black Friday!!!
I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
Hoi!
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.