Short jokes

Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

So I replied, "No, it doesn't."

Waluigi gets his Walu-weenie stuck in a vending machine!

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

A goose with no beak, and you eat?

Goose beak salad, file! :)

Why was the entire population emo in the 1920s?

Because it was the Great Depression.

I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.

Your hairline is like a math expression, there is no solution.

Pro lifers: End abortion!!!

Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.

Where can you donate an aborted fetus?

Your local pizzeria.

And together we will make America great again.

You were never great in the first place.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.

Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?

A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪

POV: me telling a joke.

My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.

Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.

What do kids have in comments? They have parents, right?

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.