Short jokes
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
Bob the builder.
What did the racist Catholic priest say?
"Martin Luther? Not my king!"
I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.
It couldn't answer.
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
Knock knock! Who's there? Stripper. Stripper who? Stripper down!
What did the fork say to the spoon?
Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
What do you call a Muslim bee?
Habibee.
All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.
After all, it's not like Donald Trump could write a book.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Why do blind kids like plane crashes?
Because you can’t dislike what you have never seen.
I am awesome, look at me!
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.