Short jokes
You're so ugly, even a Snapchat filter can't fix it.
Your hairline is so expired, it’s more expired than your milk!
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?
As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?
A trip without kids.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
One like = more from me to you. 👊
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Buy KFC = 1 more orphan in our fryers.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?
The bench can support its family.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
Kid singing “abcd.”
Person says, “No, no, it’s obcd.”
Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.