Short jokes

What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.

Yo mama so ugly, she got a lifetime ban from KFC for ordering too many burgers.

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

How do you give a woman from Alabama a nice compliment?

Answer: You say to her, "Hey, nice tooth!"

What did the talking rope say to the man?

"Just hang in there."

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

What's the difference between a gun and a penis?

The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.

What's the difference between the Christ and Anti-Christ? The Romans put sugar syrup on the second one.

"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?

Yeah, it went on and on.

What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?

Winston Churchill.

Gnome.

I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.

I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.