Short jokes
An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...
...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Someone: Stop making jokes about sh!
Me: Oh, sorry man, I'll cut it out, I'll cut it out deep!
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
You have a problem with jokes about dementia? That's funny, I don't remember asking.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
Q: What do you call a girl walking down a street?
A: Lost, she's supposed to be in the kitchen.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?
Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.
Did you hear about Johnny Depp's shelter for abused women? It's going as well as Michael Jackson's children's hospital!
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
You're so fat that you cause your heart to have panic attacks.
Yo mama so fat, she costs 15 elixir, and 3 inferno towers can't kill her!