Short jokes
What is black, smells bad, and long? Line to social services.
What was going through the head of a 9/11 victim on the 88th floor?
The 89th floor.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
Me: I saw your parents yesterday.
Orphan girl: Where?
Me: The coffin was still open.
Wanna see a mistake go on camera and take a pic of you?
Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?
Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.
Me: What is that?
Siri: Sugondese nuts.
You’re so fat,
that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
The earth used to be flat.
Till they buried yo mama.
Yo mama so ugly,
they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.
Yo mama so stupid,
she thought DUNKIN' DONUTS was a basketball team.
Your mum is so fat, she needs 3 different watches for 3 different time zones.
What do eating a watermelon, rolling a cigarette, and eating a hippie chick out have in common?
Spit, spit, spit!
Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?
Because they keepped.
Lesbians when the GPS asks them to go straight.
You must work at McDonald's because you have a McDouble chin.
Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubik’s cube competition who competed against his daddy.