Short jokes
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.
Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.
Too many people.
Not enough VooDoo dolls.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
Guy: You won't eat a human, so why do you eat meat?
Other Guy: It is bold of you to think I won't eat a human.
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
It's called Costa Coffee because it's short for "Cost A lot for boiled, rancid dishwater."
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
I just got my COVID vaccine, and this lady said, "You have no idea what you put in your body." I said, "Yet you are eating chorizo."