Short jokes
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
Why do high tides come up so high?
Because they come up to say hi.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!
Me: Just like me.
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
"A N N O Y I N G - D O G - R O B - Y O U R - S A F E."
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
Why is my pee green? Because, "NEIN, ITCH BIEN FIRST REICH!"
Teacher: "Do you guys want to get in trouble?"
Kid named Teacher: *
Now it's time to make fun of Asians.
What do you call an Asian eating jelly? Yellow Jell-O.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
You look like you're playing hide-and-seek with your hairline.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.