Short jokes
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
Octopus, more like octopussy.
If bedbugs live in beds, where do cockroaches live?
My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.
I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
What is Spiderman's favorite rice?
Uncle Ben's.
What is the difference between R Kelly and Kelly Clarkson?
R Kelly hits on preteens, Kelly Clarkson hits on toddlers.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
What do you call a fat downie?
A couch potato.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.