Short jokes
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
Why did the Pikachu say "Pi"??
He had to use the bathroom!
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
We gotta work ahead, people!
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.
We're all unique, which is something we all have in common.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
Can you fuck me, please?
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!