Short jokes
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Oh he.
Uuhgggyuuuhhhgg.
Just to an orphan.
Orphan: You're stupid.
You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
Do not tell an orphan family meeting; they wouldn't get it.
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
I have more chin than the Chinese phone book.
Depressed people are lame because they are just lame, no reason.
Iron Man: Where are you from?
Thor: Asgard.
Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?
How much of a homophobic heterosexual man are you? I'm so homophobic I won't suck a big dick that has ketchup on it.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!