Short jokes
Why did the mailman die?
Because everyone dies.
What's the difference between my dad and Nemo?
I don't know. I still haven't found them.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? Acne doesn't come on a 5-year-old's face.
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
Your hairline's so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there.
Why are some girls scared easily?
They don't have balls.
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
East Richmond has a train station at East Richmond, but Richmond is better, why?
Where is Australia?
Where is Colorado?
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoes?
White vans.
Q: What do you get from a two-legged cow? A: Lean beef.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
I'm a lady, so I'm a man.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it came back unlike their parents.
What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?
The Milky Way.
Why can't you go home tonight? Because you haven't got a home, it's moved.