Short jokes
Me: I have the body of a 28 year old.
Her: Prove it.
Me: (opens freezer)
Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!
What do you call an alligator detective??
An investi-gator.
What does NASA stand for? Nobody Asked, Someone Answered.
A girl had black hair. Also, I threw rubbish at her to realize she wasn't a bin.
What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.
If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"
Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
What do you call Nicki Minaj covered in glue?
Sticky Minaj.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?
Two dead babies in an acid bath.
What do you call finding half of a worm?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moan for me.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?
A: Loli-pops.
Why is Beast Boy so good at flying?
Terra hasn't forgiven him.
My girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"