Short jokes
Yo mama is so Jewish that pennies run away from getting pinched by her.
Yo mama is so ugly that even scammers wouldn't go after her money.
Yo mama is so fat that she crushed her PlayStation profile.
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
What makes my life so unfair?
You invading it for no apparent reason.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
Why is there a big old gay parade on one of the first days of summer?
Pride always cometh before the fall.
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
I just got a taste of Kingston, Ontario's only transgender restaurant: 664 Bath. A Dairy Queen who used to be a Burger King.
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.