I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Why were glow-in-the-dark condoms made?
To play Star Wars.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road? He was waiting for a car.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"
What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?
They both kidnap Canadian women!
ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
Donald Trump and Fanta both have some things in common.
They are both orange and were conceived from Nazis!
The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.
What do you call a fat transgender midget?
Jigglypuff.
What do you call a fat midget?
Jigglypuff.
"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."
"That's your lookout."
"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"
Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.
You're really special.
But the R in special is silent.
I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
What do you call a black woman?
A Nigg-girl.
