Short jokes
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
What do you call a tent for lesbians?
Finger Hut.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
Why did the lettuce win the race?
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.
Russians say goodbye without leaving.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.