Short jokes
You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!
If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?
The frog might be on his way to a gig!
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What is a briefcase?
A short lawsuit.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.
What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.
Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.
Your momma's so fat, she had to take a selfie using the Hubble telescope.
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)
Why was the kid's report card all wet?
Because it was below "sea" level.