A leaf and an emo are both falling from a tree.
Which one hits the ground first?
The leaf, the emo got caught by a rope.
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
Towing ropes can't be learned. They must be taut.
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
Yo mama's so fat that when she went sky diving, she caused another global extinction.
Me: Are you an alien?
Friend: No.
Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.
Ever heard of the game T.T.2: 9/11? That game was bomb.
Orphan jokes aren't to be made fun of.
They're just aimed at older audiences. Oh wait.
THEY AREN'T EVEN OLDER AGES.
My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.
Why did Texas freeze to death? Because they're retarded.
Why is Bill the bad guy?
Monica wanted to suck dick.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What is more used than plastic?
Hookers.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
