Short jokes

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

I don't laugh at Trump.

I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

*walks in store* OH LITTle debhehe's!

Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.

Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?

Accounting Chapter 12: Long-term Liabilities (FULL TEXT)

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.