How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
Shes Jokes
I told my mom that I have a crush. She replied with: "So you like girls?" I said: "Uhm no no no." BUT I'm lesbian. Someone help, how do I tell her without her hitting me with a belt?
When Stephen Hawking was asked why he was instantly attracted to his new girlfriend, he said, "It's simple, she pushes all the right buttons."
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
What did Cinderella do when she got the ball?
She gagged and took it like a champ.
Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!
Why did the bee get married?
Because she found her honey.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.
Joe mama so fat when she went to the movies, she sat next to everybody.
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time, please."
Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."
Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.
Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
Rape isn't funny unless she's laughing, too.
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldnât see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? âIâm looking for the man who shot my paw!â
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
Whatâs red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
Whatâs the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, âMari-juana do this???â She later asked me to leave forever... I donât gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
