Shes jokes

A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.

Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

Yo mama is so poor, she buys used food.

Yo mama so dumb that when she went to Starbucks, she thought she could buy a star.

Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!

A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!

Yo momma's so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a grocery list in her hand.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. She came crawling back!

Why'd the girl fall off the swing?

'Cause she had no arms.

Knock, knock!! Who's there?

Not the girl.

She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”

The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”

Mom: “Exactly.”

Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it cracked.

Yo mama is so small that when she saw the Titanic, she called it the size of the Netherlands.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

Yo mama so fat, when she sits down she dislocates Earth out of its orbit.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

Yo mama so fat that when she went into a crowd wearing a blue shirt, everyone yelled, "Tsunami!"

Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.