She jokes

Blonde

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

Speed Bump

One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.

Nose

What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?

She slurs her words...

Memes

Orphan

What did the orphan's mum say before she abandoned her child?

OH it's a bitch.

Sex

My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"

Mama

Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.

She got mad and ate the bus!

Mama

Yo mama so fat, if she buys a fur coat, the WHOLE SPECIES will become extinct!

Orphan

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he/she doesn't know where to run home.

Woman

How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.

Bullying

Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat that she needs her belly button to beat her home by 15 min.

Roast

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

Penis

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

Item

He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.

Silence...

And then at last she spoke...

"Unexpected item in the bagging area."

Wife

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

Mouse

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

Mama

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.