If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.
What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?
Ones that contain nuts.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
How do you surprise a 50-year-old man? By putting a 12-inch dick through his ass.
He said, "Best surprise ever!"
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
Yo hairline is so crooked it makes your gay best friend look straight.
What is it that gay men can't get from having too much oral sex?
Erectile dysfunction.
If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?
The average person in 2023 is less straight than the lines my 5th-grade P.E. teacher walked in college.
Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.
Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill. So Jack could lick her candy.
But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock.
Because Jill's real name was Randy.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.
One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."
What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?
Hair pull.
