Sex jokes
Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.
When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."
What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.
Q. How much cum does a gay guy have?
A. A butt load.
What's the useless skin around the vagina? A woman.
SEX
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?
A: It's cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're pretty much screwed.
What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
When you’re having the best sex in your life and your grandma says, “I’m not dead!”
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
Sex.
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Masturbation is better than rough sex.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.