Self Harm jokes
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!
I'm the joke.
I'd make an emo joke, but that would be cutting a little too close.
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
What’s the easiest way to dig a hole to China?
Through my arm.
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
What do ninjas and depressed people have in common?
They're always cutting.
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.
My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.
Now, my wrists look like a tiger.
Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.
Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.
I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...