Self Harm

Self Harm Jokes

Suicide

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

Parent

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Grass

Why is emo grass better than normal grass?

Emo grass is gonna cut themself.

Emo

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

Emo

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

Fruit Ninja

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Pinocchio

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

Friend

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

Fruit Ninja

People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."

Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."