Self Harm jokes

I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"

Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Why is emo grass better than normal grass?

Emo grass is gonna cut themself.

What do emos like to do when they're sad?

They play violin on their wrists.

Bros got barcode arms.

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!

Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."

What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.

I love you like my cuts.

Deeply.

Why do emos love the winter? Because of the long sleeves.

when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.

When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"

I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."

People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."

Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."