Self jokes
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"
Wanking.
I made this one up myself just now.
Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
Why did the orphan kill himself?
I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.
It showed a picture of myself.
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
🥫Wewo wewo, stop right now or we will be forced to stop your self.
No, not like you can ketchup!
Know the nuclear bombs of the world.
🇷🇺🧨 a “bad” bomb
🇨🇳🧨 “ww3”
🇬🇧🧨 a “good” bomb
🇺🇸🧨 Japanese area testing
🇮🇱🧨 what bomb
🇮🇷🧨 just self defence
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
She a hoe, she shit on herself.
What type of flower do you give an orphan?
A self-raising [flour].
Yo mama so fat, she's bigger than the universe itself!
I killed myself, then woke up.
Don’t cut yourself up about it.
Yourself.