Self Jokes

Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.

Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.

What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.

"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."

Look at your left hand, now look at your right hand, and tell yourself, "Which hand do you cheat with?"

Wanking.

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.

A stack of crayons with labels that appear to be satirical. The labels include "Travel Ban Brown", "Lives Matter", "Auschwitz Ash", "Privilege", "Cyantology", "Spiritual but not Religious", "Statutory Grape", "Boner Pill Blue", "Insufferable Vegan Green", "Corporations Are People Too", "Baby Shit Green", "Self-Identified Blue", "Presidential", and "Your Parents' Divorce Was Your Fault, Peach".

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Why did the orphan kill himself?

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.