Self jokes

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

What is a self-harm person's favorite game?

Fruit Ninja.

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

Well, being an American is just a joke itself.

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?

It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

Your hairline is more bent than your gender.

I used to be a man trapped in a woman’s body. But then I was born.

Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.

Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."