Self jokes

I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

What is a self-harm person's favorite game?

Fruit Ninja.

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

Well, being an American is just a joke itself.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?

It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

Your hairline is more bent than your gender.

Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.

Why did the crumb cake isolate himself? He had a crumbling social life.

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.

SELF HARM

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.