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What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?

Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D

A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman?

"Kinder Egg surprise."

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!

We clap when we see you. We clap our hands over our eyes.

How do you see past that forehead?

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?

They can't see each other anymore.

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

Why does an orphan start with an "O"?

Because they only see their parents in their dream.

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.

A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"