Secret jokes
Isn't Barbie supposed to come with Ken?
Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What is Uludağ made from? Dog pee!
There's a saying that goes, "Only gay men know how to dress." Of course they know how to dress! They were in the closet!
What do you call two lesbians in a closet? A liqueur cabinet.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
"The legend says Tinker Bell was good in jerkin' off Peter with her tiny fingers, but it pains me to think that Captain Hook was a closeted-sadist boyfriend."
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
Opal didn't hack RapBoat's account, she WAS RapBoat the whole time.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
Why don’t rappers tell secrets?
Because they always end up DROPPING it.
"John FK, he think he special car no top, everyone see like he on parade. Me, I stay hidden, secret style, no bullets find me. Much smar smarter, no? Scret lifestyle safety."
Joe Biden would’ve died in the Secret Service tackle. They would have been like, "Get down Mr. Presi-"
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Why don't rappers tell secrets?
Because they always spill the beats.