I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
God: “Steven, join us.”
Sees the staircase to Heaven.
Steven: “Ahh, fu-”
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
