Science jokes
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
Memes
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Microchips.
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.
Idiot: "The moon landing was faked! So unbelievably fake!" Me: "You believe in the moon? Stupidass."
Yo mama is so fat, she has her own personal gravity.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?
No, neither has he.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.