Science jokes
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?
Flat Earthers
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
Scientists say I'm made up of 75% of water.
But after jumping in the ocean, it's 100%, just like my depression.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
So Stephen Hawking walked into a bar - just kidding.
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.