School jokes
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
Why are clips 30 rounds? Because that's the average class size.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To improve his FLOW-CABULARY!
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Why can’t orphans go on field trips? Because they need parent permission.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Pencil.
Pencil who?
Oh, never mind, it's pointless.
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless!