School jokes
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
What do you call a white kid at the back of class?
A school shooter.
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
I got detention one day. I don’t know why; I only slapped the emo kid on the wrist.
"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."
Who’s more excited than a kid on his birthday?
Jimmy Savile in a primary school playground.
What do you call Greg in your class? Obese.
Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,
Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless!
Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.
Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.
Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.