School jokes

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.

Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.

And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.

What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?

People jumped off a building to escape it.

What are American schools?

Shooting ranges.

I never knew what my dad's job was.

One day, at school, I got a scam phone call, later, I got another, and another. I finally had enough and answered the phone, but to make an impact I said "Hello?"

My dad answered...

Why can’t orphans go on field trips?

Because they need a parent’s signature.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

Type this in your calculator:

5 days a week (type in 5),

6 different classes (type in 6),

7 hours a day (type in 7),

x

2 semesters (type in 2),

=

flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).

What's a snake's favorite subject?

Well, there are two: hisss-tory, but some prefer maths; those weirdos are adders.

Me: Stops the quiet kid from getting bullied.

Him: Don't come to school tomorrow, trust me.

Me: "/"

Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?

A: To shoot up the whole school.

Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"

Why did the pedo cross the road?

To get to the pre-school on the other side.

We don't have school shooters; we have special ed breeches.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?

Elementary, my dear Watson!

I put the D in Children.