School jokes
I did a good job of being home from school.
Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot some kids inside of you.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"
So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
What is the difference between a human and a human rights act and a walk home and walk walk home from home and walk walk home and a wheelchair to wheelchair and wheelchair to wheelchair for wheelchair home night time to a home was fun at home night was the day I had dinner is it fun for me I was going to be a walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home night time?
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
How do you get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble Door.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On a school bus, the pricks are on the inside.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Why don’t spiders go back to school?
Because they learn everything on the web.
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
Tech administrator of a school: Hm, a message from Google security?
Tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT!
Assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME?
Tech administrator of a school: WE'VE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE!
Assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC... let's call the school board.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one, almost as good as the one with Jack, Jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right *whispers* you are playing it cool, right?
Head of school board: *whispers* yeah we're fucked...
TWO HOURS LATER
Important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!
AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"