School jokes

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.

I said, "No, they don't have double doors."

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

What's the difference between a gun and chips? When you bring it to class, everyone starts wanting to be your friend.

Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?

Because she had a make-up exam.

What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?

"Wow, Harry!"

What are American schools?

Shooting ranges.

Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.

Where does a banana learn to split?

At sundae school!

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?

People jumped off a building to escape it.

Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?

What do orphans and homework have in common?

Everybody forgets about them.

Teacher: What month is it?

Quiet kid: AUG-ust.

Classroom: Visible concern.