School jokes
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.
Anyways, my sharpener isnβt working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...
There was a solar eclipse at school and we missed it, but it was alright. Your mum went to NASA and recreated it herself.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
Memes
What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
Why do orphans hate health ed at school?
Their parents can't opt them out of it.
What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?
Be there or B2.
How to escape your black school teacher in detention?
(Easy)
Turn off the lights!
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"
Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.
LOL
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."
The student looked up and replied, "Well, you canβt say you werenβt warned, Mrs. Matthews!"
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.
Class: No one stands up.
Teacher: Oh, cβmon. I know someone over here is dumb. *teacher waves her finger around the left side of the room.*
Little Johnny: *stands up.*
Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think youβre dumb?
Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad youβre standing alone.
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.