School jokes
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
Why can orphans never go on field trips?
Because they canβt get a parent signature.
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty βfriendβ.
Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."
Nobody stands up.
After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."
Little Johnny stands up.
"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"
"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."
Why does the emo kid skip class?
Pro lifers: End abortion!!!
Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.
I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Your forehead is so big that the teachers used it as a whiteboard.
The orphan canβt play soccer because he doesnβt know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.
Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.
Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs!
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
I barged into a Halloween party at my school with my air-soft AR-15!
I was so scary, EVERYONE ran away!
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher told them it was a piece of cake!
How do you get into Hogwarts? Through the Dumble Door.