School jokes

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

Why are my students so naughty?

I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!

Me: My therapist says I need those to live.

D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_

Why can orphans never go on field trips?

Because they can’t get a parent signature.

When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"

Me: "Oh hell nah"

When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

Teacher: "If you're dumb, stand up."

Nobody stands up.

After some waiting, the teacher says, "Really? No one? There must be someone."

Little Johnny stands up.

"Oh, so you think you're dumb, Johnny?"

"Nah, I just feel bad that you're standing alone."

Why does the emo kid skip class?

Pro lifers: End abortion!!!

Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.

I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.

What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.

Your forehead is so big that the teachers used it as a whiteboard.

The orphan can’t play soccer because he doesn’t know where home is, and his school is too dumb to learn.

Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.

Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?

Because there are too many Cheetahs!