Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.
Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?
A: They're both cheesy.
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.
Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."
Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
Why can't an orphan go to a field trip?
Parent's signature: ___________
Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.
Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...
A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.
IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!
Why did Helen Keller fail school? She was bad at language.
Does anyone know what's going on with all the creeps that joined and restart your school laptop to get everything unblocked?
I fell in love with my teacher.
Which is weird because I am home schooled.
If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
Imagine being expelled from school for bringing a weapon to school.
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
