Say jokes

What does the policeman say to the jumper?

"Hey! Pullover!"

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, Bud!

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

What did one copper say to the other? C U.

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."