Say jokes

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, Bud!

Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

What did one copper say to the other? C U.

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"