Say jokes
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie?
“Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.”
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
They say they'll stay, but I left first.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Asians love it when a British person says "Race!"
Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?
A: Make sure to come upstairs!
What did the cow say?
Moo!
Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
"The canons be ready, Captain!"
"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!
What does the policeman say to the jumper?
"Hey! Pullover!"
What did the HP say to a Dell?
Hello!
I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."