Say jokes

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

What did the cow say to its udders? "Hi."

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

What did one orphan say to another orphan?

"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"

What does a cow say? Moo.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, Bud!

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

What did one copper say to the other? C U.

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

What did the HP say to a Dell?

Hello!

The crocodile just kept saying, "No!" He was in Da Nile!

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.