Say jokes

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?

Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?

I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

What did one plane say to the other?

"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."

Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

What did the rapper say when he stubbed his toe?

"Ouch! That's NOT a sick beat!"

What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?

What did an Arab say to feed his kid?

'Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second airplane!'

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

What did the banana say to Ethan, Ryan, and Cooper?

"Hi!"

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

Yo Mama is so dumb, she stares at a juice carton for an eternity because it says "Concentrate" on the box.

A boy and girl are fucking. The girl yells "Senpai!" The boy smiles, pleased, but then her father walks in and says "What?"

A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"

And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."

What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

This is the true worst joke ever:

What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?

Hi!

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."