Once my friend was saying something dumb and I was like I Campbell-eve you just said that.
Gow do you keep tour friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
what did the skeleton say to the other wow that song spooky scary skeletons really does send chills down my spine
make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE- and that's the TRUTH.
what am I? answer: a Riddle.
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this s**t!"
Imagine if on April first the government says hahhaha you all fell for it covid19 is fake we actually killed all those people lol
Confucius says, man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok.
A guy is due to meet his friends for drink at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," say Satan. "What is it?" The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl." Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?" The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
how many trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb? none, trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
Who says white people can't jump? Have you seen the 911 footage?
A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
What games would deaf people not be good at...
Simon says and Musical chairs
Me: What did one toilet say to the other? You: What? Me: You look flushed!
[god creating alligators] God: see that log? Angel:yes...? God: now fill it with teeth. Angel: say again? God: FILL IT WITH TEETH
Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that A. Feminism Is just a pile of dumb shit
B. That Men are actually treated unequally.
SO
we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"
